hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
