I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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