So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
