You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
