There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Alive.
So much puke
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
