i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
