did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
