There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i wish my penis had a tongue
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
