I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
