awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
