so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm at about main and main street
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize