there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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