God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize