I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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