why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize