I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
