Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
