I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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