and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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