I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
