i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
