Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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