It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
