He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
