Plan B is the new Plan A
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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