So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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