my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize