idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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