You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize