you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
