Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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