Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
