saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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