I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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