I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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