i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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