Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
