When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
