So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i've created a new STD.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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