It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
