I just made out with a guy for $7.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
