are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
