i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
