i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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