Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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