Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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