I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
