theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
