she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
