i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
