So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
