So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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