Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
