Betty ford says i'm here all night
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
