At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
