fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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