I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
