The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
