Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
