Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize