After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
