whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
