I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
