This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
