So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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