Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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