Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
