i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
