I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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