My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize