mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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