im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
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