Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
