He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
